tomorrow's all glitter and glam

because we're themed Velvet Goldmine for NewYear's.
Satellite of Love and whatnot. Suits good that I'm reading Please Kill Me, then.
Suits good that I feel like the world's throwing me a sweet side and showing me a sweet smile
and reaching out to hug me, telling me that yeah, you said it
I was here all along
and I find myself over and over again, when I've been looking hard for someone else.
A cosy feeling, like someone hugging me with meaning, thought and feeling.
Come on, let's go find treasure!
YYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYY
YYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYY

let me go wild

like a frostbite in the snow...
I'm spending a day in the sunlight
Say ocean, I am your wave
Say wave, I am your wind
Say wind, I am your sky
Say sky, I am your universe.
YYYY

8 8 I forget what 8 was for! and
Violent Femmes Kiss Off

dududududududududu

Andyoualreadyknowhowthiswillend
How it ends DeVotchKa


hee heeh hee heeh hheheheee
hee.
And there are whirlwinds that whirl in and they bring with them the laughter of ha ha my dearest darling don't stress over things that we can't think about even since they
change
and
you already know how this will end:
exactly in so many surprises and colours and unimaginable laughters and steps and shakes and goodness me
Kindness for evermore.
Take your smile and walk it around town
I might be out of money and I might be wanting to taste milk and honey
breaking my fast.
Walk backwards was it?

My dear heart
dear dear me
oh my my
I'm taking a shine with me where it is I go today
The strangest looking sun shines and looks strong
and I love you dear little earth, in your massiveness


YYYYYYYYY
YYY
YYYY
YYYYYY

Distance yourself

Now you’re almost making me feel like I’ve done something wrong, like I’ve somehow managed to create enormous uncontrollable pressure.
Distance yourself.
Now you’re almost making it sound like what we’ve been going through has never happened to anyone else and will never happen to us again.
Distance yourself.
Now I’m almost starting to believe that what it is we might have might be getting in the way of everything, extinguishing everything we are.
Distance yourself.
Now I’m almost starting to believe that I will leave the door open, I will leave the lights on in case you still dare to feel like coming over.
Distance yourself.
Now you’ve almost made me feel like I have all the love in me to give while you cannot take it, while you cannot risk taking it.
Distance yourself.
Now you’re almost making me feel like I’ve been stupid enough to trust you, although that’s never what it was about.
Distance yourself.
Now I’m almost feeling like you’re making yourself hurt, like you’re making yourself hurt too much over this.
Distance yourself.
Now I’m almost insuring myself that I was not being myself enough just to keep you close, that I was keeping myself in check.
Distance yourself.
Now it’s almost like we’ve been overwhelmed by what it is that just seems to have happened between us, although there never was a doubt.

Distance yourself.

Walk,

walk your own way.
There's snow again and it's beautiful.
I have golden glitter around my eyes and pink sparkle around my right hand
blue around my eyes and my fingers end in bright red.
I am a zebra today. Or a snowtiger.

And
you
already
know
how
this
will
end
How it ends DeVotchKa

But as it is, I don't know. It makes me a bit tear-eyed to think that this has ended right here and that this is how I know it ends and will end and has ended,
but I haven't been told it's ended. I haven't been told it's over. I've been asked for time and distance and that's what I give - I don't know what will come
so what comes next is
what...
What?
Brains?
No, zombie I didn't become after all. Yet.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I have been humbled

in the best way possible.
In the only way probably possible to humble me,
by love unasking and unwanting.
Simply understanding without asking
explaining
imposing.
I'm just learning,
that I have stated before and that's what I know.
Don't be afraid, I am not afraid.
I'm learning
I'm learning
And I love it.

And as the snow falls in the dark evening
I can't but smile and ask of you only to do the same.

What are you afraid of, you asked.
Nothing, I said, meaning the word. Now I feel a notion of fear about going to waste even though I'm not afraid.
I might think I need to be.

I'm not afraid.
All I can ask of you is to feel the same
Not to be afraid.

there are small clouds...

the shape of moons floating about the blue sky. The sky is turning a bit more pale, a bit more purple as the sun is going down but there's also gold and orange and yellow.
I come from playing with MMK and are they awesome, it's really playing in the truest meaning of the word. We love it. And we're about to build instruments that really...
they really...
I am happy.
And drum'n'bass by Shapeshifter in my ears, aaww!!
And got my SAOSIN finally. AAAWWW rawks.
YYYYAnd gotta hunt for d'espairs ray, the good mania muke I amYYYYYYYYYY

It's on

it's on
it's on it's ON!
The game is on; the race is on; the bet is
ON.

Well baby tonight, there isn't any rain but I'll got out and dance in the street any way
NO MATTER WHAT!
And tomorrow the dj's playing are going to be awesome. At least they better be and by the by
by the way
and see if that paths costs as much as my highway.
Cos star I am and star I'll stay


I know who'll make you SWOON

YYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYY

my green eyes surrounded by blu

a long sleep later
a short while earlier
I feel
and feel for
and feel good.
Introduce myself?
I think I just have; nice to meet you.

My eyes turn to green

The trees are engaged in a dance that turns twigs and branches, sprays waterdrops
I'm surrounded by massive and awesome movement, haven't realized that in a long while.
Was again commented last night on looking like someone unknown to me. I've never known what to make of these comments more than to smile at them and laugh at the people launching them and agreeing with them that yeah, what a silly idea they had, thinking I'm someone I'm not.
What does that mean and who am I then?
There are so many smiles engaged in my life and I wonder what they all mean, I really am starting to wonder how this means things
since I smile and smile back
and make things mean things without thinking
without meaning
to.
I try to keep things explained to myself at least,
i try to keep things sure in a way at least
I try to keep myself aware of what I am, at least in my own light.

Ask me and I will tell you

Shine your own light

Did I say

that I'd never tell?
Did I promise myself somewhere along the way that I would not bother others with the being,
with the existence
of myself?
Did I speak words of not wanting to add to all the problems people seem to be having,
by apologizing for any inconvenience my smile or angry eyes or caring might bring?
Did I tell myself that others are awkward because I am not?
Did I tell myself that there's only one other that understands me and that I haven't met that other one yet?
Did I speak out the fact that I have no other fact but myself?
Did I mention that I don't feel I know more than anyone else, just that I know I feel and that
that might be something I haven't taken into consideration?
Did I decide on not showing that I appreciate myself?
Did I decide on caring so much about what people think that I won't think at all
anymore?
Did I decide that I am not worthy of myself,
not worthy the time spent
the voice heard
the laughter spread
the smile illuminating
the strentgh of muscles inside
the mind moving in waves?
Wings spread in the light morning air or blackness of night

Did I say I'd never tell?
Did I ever?
I break my own secret, the one I thought was a code unbreakable
It wasn't so very hard, now was it? Sweetness of release
Relief
I break the promise I made myself and reveal the secret I was keeping for myself
The secret I was keeping myself
from myself.
I say what I think
Just might be that I never say it out loud
Out loud so that ears other than mine understand that something is being said.

Then,
I know there are all of you who don't listen only with your ears.
I know there are all of you who don't listen only to the words.
I know there are all of you who never tell that you know, that you hear, that you understand.

Say ocean,
I am your wave.

There is help here

Say ocean and I will be the wave
Breathe without sound because push is a move
Pay attention as I am ready for real travel, mastering the language and finding treasure and going on an adventure,
exploring and finding
and seeking and seeing
that it's all there.
LIQUIDIZED
I radiate heart
and am empowered by the dreams
How about the path of healing?

"Be the change you want to see"


Today's clue:
unconditional love

MaVERiCK

I was waiting for a line of beginning to introduce itself onto me
and
WOWh
D'espair Ray's MaVERiCK
has the ever best beginning I've heard in sucha LONG TIME!
So relaxed I can't but drop MY SHOULDERS!!

DRUMS!!
DRUMS!
DRUMS DRUMS DRUMS
Ahh, so awesome.

And I've found a stream of conciousness
and writing
and words

And oh How pretty play my musical masters
CIRCA SURVIVE
and SAOSIN, past and present, thankyou
and The Smashing Pumpkins
are still and again so very beautiful

I shall now sit still and write
fly in my mind and hug you for being.
hhhhhuggggggGGGG
GGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGggggg
'ggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!
MMMMMH!!
Felt that.

I'm learning

Indeed I am.
I am in leaving;
in learning;
in whisper
and in listening.


Stay brave,
electric too

walk backwards

sleep all night
No, wait, it's full moon
so make sure to be up and say hallo.
Might come by.


YYYYYYYYYYYY

Mother Earth

Planet of Love.

Can it be, can it be?
All synchronized and ready to go.
All liquidized.
All Mania Muke.
All
"I can't change the world but I can hopefully change somebody's emotion during the day."
[Cove, SAOSIN]
All
dressed down and ready to go.

Already.
Be an inspiration
Be inspired
All ready.

it is.

I have named my upcoming release

push is a move

And I want to shout heaps of heyyo!s to sonja my cosmic sister for again providing me with tunes that keep me rockin and rollin and gives me leaps to other paths. thanks. NZ music makes me feel.
Now, let's see what[else i]'s in store
I'm about to go drink some tea or maybe more fizzy drinks(maybe not so sure, see Today's clue).
I already heard some Billy Corgan singing today and I felt so good about that so now I wonder if they might have some other goodness in store before I go hang out with the kids.
Have to write another entry for someone else before that, mind.
mind, mind.
if you are as crazy as mine, i hug you for that.

LATERS

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY


Today's clue:
Don't start your day with a fizzy drink - no matter how tempting this might feel - because it will only keep you burping for the whole day.

You are

that you are
aren't you?

Thankyou for the connection
unspoken thoughts and expressed smiles.
being.
We know us to exist, we don't need to act today because we are feeling better even only by knowing.
Blue eagle day.
i'm taking a day off and it's taking me places
making me things
bringing me to thoughts.

I am a new creature

being of light bringer of
sound daughter of wave
inspired.
Vince electro urban
drumNbass metal
D'espairsRay and
makeup colours and
stones
Music sounds movement
dance touch feelings
sight healing. Strength
support
Being. I am.

I believe this is The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster
give me your skin to dance in

Stay brave

I feel GOGOL BORDELLO energy
THEY ARE HERE!!!
I canfeelthem.
AND IT'S great.


And thankyous go to D'espairs Ray.
I have been LIQUIDIZED
and liquified
Straight right in the right eye.

And seeing now all that matters is that I am.
I am.
What are you doing?
I am being.
I exist.
I am.

I radiate heart

What a beautiul thing to say - I read it as the theme your mind should be on
this ffriday.
If this felt like a difficult thing to say then one was to look inside one's heart to see i it was big enough.
I'd like mine to be, but there are troubles I feel.
The music I've heard today in cosmic for example, have been so beautiful, some Smashing Pumpkins unexpectedly. and melted away troubles it did.

I radiate heart.

From Lunar to Electric

Do you hear that, man? It's crazy ...
And it's definitely not. But whoa. and wowie. and wow.
And thankyous and thank you and fine and dandy
and bohemian like you and twentieth century boy
and girl
and day tripper who only travels at night
and I'm afraid of losing someone who can't be lost to me.
That's all very interesting, thank you, how can I put to words what I want to say if I don't know what I want to say?
There is something, I can tell.
There are things, sure there are, I can see them although sunlight isn't bringing them out - there are only clouds and rain
and refusal by electronical equipment.

I come prepared.
Wings - check
Eyes - check
Mind - check
Heart - check
Colours and light, indeed.
Sound, voice, music, all there and well-packed and easily reached.

I come prepared but manage to feel a bit unready, still.
What will we say?
What will we do?
What will we see?
Soon... soon

What a scene. Really.
Lunar to Electric, a real transformation from duality to trinity. Imagine that, I felt it and felt for it. Humble souled thought that yeah well not me, right? ANyone else
everyone else
but me?
ME!?
What do you want with me? I know what I want with me, and you?
Come along come along and let's find treasure.

Well baby tonight, I'm gonna go and dance in the rain
Queens Of The Stone Age Broken Box

I am the Little Sister

and I come to make you shake.


hahahahahahhahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
h

Why yes, I am the little wave
I'll talk til the fire goes out
and run to the sky.
And if so the music of QOTSA and Quatro is taking me onto that highway I've been trying to read off my map
then SO
Let it rip
Let it happen
Let it go
AND LET'S Go

Strawberry bootlace and raspberry delight
wild berry and cherry

Luara had fun having two mondays in one, several mondays at once - I don't know how many parallel's I sat through. I enjoyed it, so thank you.
Lights lights and candles.

PINK GREASE
there's a lot of interesting communication today
I love it
i love it
I loves it
And hhah
I'm sitting eating pink berry soothers with jellylike filling. wooh. paa.
And I go so yellow inside that I don't know how to keep everything from bursting
OUT
in brightness.
It's thursday according to the timewaves of this place righty here.
It's thursday and Indeed
it is.


LOVELOVELOVE

open the eyes

There was some despair
when I realise, sometimes I wonder that I'm wellkept from these thinkings of some,
when I realise that there are some thinkings of some beings that are only based
on proving someone wrong.
Only negation, only acceptance if the other one proves superiority.
Why would someone judge you forever by the way you look
the way you talk
the words you use?
Are there really many, and how many are there really, who keep track of their life, living, being and existence
only by denying others?
Where does this human behaviour spring from?
What is it that is fearful in embrace?
What is it that is fearful in acceptance?
What is it that scares?

What scares?

There was despair and despair scares.
But then there were rays and there were thoughts and there might not have been understanding but there were images and sounds
about how it can be to... fear.

There is light and there is light that shines, even though it's too dark to see.
It's not about turning to some god or trying to live outside yourself or trying to create a world that no one else can exist in.
It's about you.
Because I am also a you
and you are also a me.

on the waves of sun

I thought it was that I was under Saturn's shadow
and so it was,
no longer am I in the shadows though, no longer in the shadow.
There is light.
I shine forth, just like you.
There is light, just like in you.

greetings and welcome.

Someone to look to

in need or in want or in war
Faith No More King for a Day

Zombiegirls indeed. Maybe the collection of songs Siamese Drummers has should be called Zombiegirls. Or maybe not, I'm not sure.
Funny, just had a phonecall that definitely made me want to leave any studybusiness. All right, not like in FOR GOOD, but for this day, for the time being.
For the time being that I haven't done anything anyway today.
But also for the time being me not really being into sitting in the center doing not much.
I'm around a lot, doing not much.
Doing not a lot...
What about a few hours more of it and then I can walk home. It's not like I have anything else to do is there? Than to do my walkabouts and roundabouts, keeping away from the thoughtpolice and groupfear and customized thinking - ready to be adapted by anyone who wishes not to think.

My throat hurts, and I suspect and blame the smoke that people insist on blowing into my eyes. I have to breath, yes, I have to inhale, yes.
I have to respect the fact that a nicotineboost is needed? I think not.
I think not. Finknottle.

And by the way, just thought I'd tell you, you-know-who-you-are-oh-yes-you-do that
hell, catch you later
because I now have myself to catch. Wanna swap or are you okay with mine? I feel a bit more pumped with warm blood. Wasn't supposed to?
XD
Smiling with the mouth of the ocean
And I'll wave to you with the arms of the mountain
Ashes to Ashes Faith No More

home on ice

There's a lot of it about
there's a lot of it around.
Snow and ice and chill and coldness

and I love it so much.

And there are so many contacts that I'm thrilled about that are growing and establishing themselves and appearing and reappearing.
There is and we are.
Now I shall go sing.



Love
L

Luara is speechless

and there's someone who says my speech is impossible to understand
due to all the languages that spew out at once.

I am speechless

words exit my body and mind only in written form.


I went to bed at 6 this morning
after sitting on the sofa next to someone who talked movies
and who listened to me talk movies
films
and lost highways; sandworms; coffee; cigarettes and blood was in our talk.
And I have no idea of where to next, although as I see that written I do know that I know where to next. Exactly to where it would be in any other situation.

Do the whirlwind and see ya around warrior.

Our year has changed into november

There's more snow after last nights rain and despair and anger over feet so cold of wet I wasn't sure they would ever feel again.
There's more chill today and even though the world is white and it's not even 3pm yet, it's getting dark. I can see it and I can feel it.

Had forgotten all about how it is to live in winter: that is that it is not different from anything else in any way at all.
Neil Young's Dead Man in my earphones makes me feel something I don't know.

So now I could say it's new year, yeah?
I could have energy and interest to finish everything that I haven't finished, yeah?
I should do something about my quarters; I should think without writing and write without pausing to complete the works I should complete;
I should be courageous enough to contact this one person who I seem to be mentally entwined with - just an observation of his stressed face when I felt stressed;
I should have time to look at what I dream, not just get up, get dressed and run around;
I should have time to contemplate stories;
I should have to grab myself the life that I know is just right here
It feels like something was taken from me, something was stolen
since the autumn ended abruptly without me having time to enjoy the sweaters and chilly evenings and stargazings in a garden smelling sweetly of old leaves and apples,
in a world where everything is soft colours and clear skies and
rain.
There's only cold icy disappeared world.
There's more under the surface but I don't feel like I have the energy to look so deep
to dig further.

Let's see where this takes me.

It's snowed

It's snowing
It snows
There's snow.
The first snow is here and there is SO much of it.
So I celebrate Samhain in a white world. A world I feel new to; a world that feels new but not unknown.
I have since my last write listened more to Faith No More's The Real Thing
and my recently arrived In Case We Die by Architecture in Helsinki.
and some Opeth
and some Gary Numan, mostly Cars
haa.

I learned today that a friend will be moving into my house soon. I'm thrilled!
Zombiegirls on the prowl for Monkyboys.

Trying to have more ideas about some writing I'm doing right now; trying to put myself into it although I know that it'll take something else than that - the ideas are coming but only when I fully let them by not being prepared at all.
Trying to find some nice lines to think about for the rest of the day but oh I can't.
I only sing
We'll sing and dance and find romance and we'll stroll to the edge of the world

I celebrated the 28th yesterday

a bit of Halloween-feeling; a bit of autumn-changing-into-winter-celebration; a bit of I shall be released; a bit of every celebration of myself and everyone else that I could imagine; a bit of loving the music; a bit of loving the dance; a bit of loving being.
A good celebration all in all. Very. And as it happened, there was a change to wintertime and the place I was in stayed open an extra hour. Indeed it made me smile and there is a smile on the inside, there definitely is.

And I know that I was seven when this album came out, I have known one or two songs of this album since and I danced to one of them last week in a recordstore in York. Didn't know it was this album though, as it was just one of the records the musiclibrary gave to me yesterday.
At home it came clear, and after listening thru the record, I realised I had skipped one of the tracks, put it on
and sat there in the candlelit kitchen listening, feeling lights go out and lights flicker and that flame come to life again.
17 years have passed from that song being made to it making it to my hearing.
Now it is in my hearing and I have heard it, felt it and it is.

I know the feeling
It is the real thing
The essence of the truth
The perfect moment
That golden moment
I know you feel it too

Faith No More The real thing


I see my light come shining
From the west unto the east.
Any day now, any day now,
I shall be released.

Bob Dylan I shall be released


Thank you

so I was meant to found

clap your hands say yeah

architecture in helsinki

sing sing sing sing

yeahs, I am now in the state of mind called my hometown, after two weeks in the states of mind called Scotland and England. Glasgow and York spoke to me and we talked a while, it was very pleasant and the feeling was mutual. I joined groups of understanding and revealed understanding in myself;
Vince Noir inspires me in so much it's only possible to laugh
And since I've been gone autumn has stretched out and there's this cosy light all day and everywhere and I don't know what to do more than go ungder as many yellow trees as possible
and I'm aware of the fact
that I have facts and that's about that

I have not got forever left in this town, and my wings are happily stretching
and I'm happily trying things out
and I can discuss
I talk
I walk
I speak in languages and show my tongue.
hah.

blood confetti

I am the wave I've been waiting for

Where do I turn?
How do I explain and why do I always have to?
.

Would you like to be my social experiment?

Eksperyment
Absynthminded

I try not to cower away from the feelings I am told I cower at
I try not to think what it is I question
I try not to question constantly
I try not to
and I try to keep in mind
I try to keep my mind
I try to keep it in mind
to keep in mind
That there is reason, there is and we are
and I am,
I am.

And listening to what Gojira speaks makes me realise even more
I have no reason to scout the streets
I have no reason to scan the faces
I have no reason not to go
I have no reason not to


All the stars Fearlessly bright They call me out there Order me to face the wind
[GOJIRA: Backbone]

Beat your feet On the ground now, go !


Global warming by Gojira started playing in my earphones and I thought it was someone's phone ringing and I thought what a sad and beautiful tone, just like an alarm telling of something that is soon to happen and
why isn't anyone answering that call
and so I realised that it was the music I was listening to.

And as a warrior I have to fight
I can already feel
The love I’ll discover

I've heard eagles

I've seen the sun
and Aquarius is following me around. So is 58 and the big love I'm supposedly experiencing.
What is this mixture?
Well, I'm training myself into becoming strongly psychobilly;
my hair was the first to learn but I'm a long ways to go. Got just the patterns and fabrics I'll make dresses out of in a few weeks when I can afford it.
I'm training my attitude too.
And lipstick should be included in training, I know... the favourite one I smudged cos I had to write
Under Saturn's shadow YL
on a wall in the city's nightlife.
Hee, well done me.
I'm just doing things and looking at skies and adoring colours and adoring that and this and
laughed yesterday at Happy Noodle Boy going "My eyes, I can't see my eyes!!"
And thought "Myself, I can't see myself!!" and felt a bit bluuuue.
I saw some friends of someone I haven't seen for a long time and thought:
Maybe I'm supposed to globalise and really do so since there seems to be a hint of that relationshipwise.
Maybe may be.
I can't help loving TypeONegative's Cinnamon Girl
when the first notes hit my consciousness I just
SHAKE
just the feeling that also accompanies Ministry's Lay lady Lay.
These covers hit the note.
Me and Lena laughed a plenty watching DEAD MAN in the movies last night, the other four members of the audience were very quiet.
What a story.

there's LOVE

since I last was here

I have danced
danced
and sung and played

and playing along and playing alone are not things to fear
You do it when you do and don't when you don't
So many things that have questioned me and so many things I have questioned
these past few weeks
and since I'm back in the waiting-room, I was let out for a while for fresh air, I fear I won't know and don't know where to turn, what to focus on and where to be and what to be
and who to be
A lady biked in front of me today with a bag saying CHANGE
TypeONegative's I don't wanna be me starts playing on radioblogclub
and I feel aggressive in a good and walk-over-everyone mood and I don't like it.
Yeah, I know I comment it's good not knowing everything
but now I sit here and it feels like my feet aren't touching the floor even though I know they are
and I can't sleep anymore, not in my bed at least or at least not any smart way around.
I turn and sleep upside down and halfway onto the floor or wall
AND suddenly
There is a Light that never goes out
doesn't work on my playlist anymore
and what the hell
what the hell
what the I know exactly.
I know why what and now I'm really starting to know
when
and where I turn is where I turn,
of course there is a wish for real arms to hold me steady on this line. I've tried this road and I've tried it and tried it and i should've known
This is where I'm going.

Draw upon me, don't use chalk, don't use permanent marker
Draw upon me, I render
I render to the beat
I render tones
I render a beat
Draw upon me
Draw upon me with eager mind
Draw upon me
II

blaa blaa Blii bLaa

and to think that I was afraid of Skeletor when I was a kid.
and to think that I chose to become educated by, through and via Universityway. So I sit and try to make sense out of writing about a 90's book about cyberspace. In swedish.
and I try to make sense
sense
Bow to your sensei

And I'm keeping the music turned up here in my waiting-room
and I stay away from gloom

and saosin saosin saosin are cuuuute
Yea sweet, sure.

I stay indoors and go outside
Yoo Hoo how I love imperial teen again today
CONFETTI!!!!!!!!

YYYYYYYYY
YYYY
and today I love
PSYKUP

I ain't your broken wing

and I ain't broken my own
and I ain't broken down

Today the sun shines and the sky is octarine
it's more than crystalclear

I have greeted many, thanked none
I now lift my soul to give my thanks to the ones of help
the ones of support
One can be many and many can be all

The leaves on the trees are trying to show the prisms of cosmos
the cosmos is showing us that it is
but is anyone looking
is anyone seeing

I see you right there
I see me right there
I see you right here
I see me right here

Here here
come here

I ain't your broken wing

This is my way
I’ve found my home
My state of real
There is no goal to reach
This is my way

Gojira To Sirius

I'm not lost, I have myself right here

... as to gracefully quote Terry Pratchett.

And I seem to be in transition and there are all these colours around me that are
dark
and bright
and seethrough
I got a bit scared when all my dreams were stuffed with black and I called out and then answer i got was that when all the colours are all mixed up and in so many layers, all you get is black
and then I realised that it wasn't all black but as a matter of fact I saw strands of red and green and blue
and everything
and the eye is now opening.

And I am in transition and I am rapidly changing from being one or few colours to a completely new one
and I'm happy about it but so overwhelmed I'd just want to cry and eat and lie still
which is, at the same time, exactly what I don't want to do.

Now that I know
the way it goes
[Devandra Banhart]

LOST TO THE BEAT

and perhaps forever lost in town?
And perhaps not?
I feel untrue in this town of mine right now, and yeah although it isn't my town...
Things are happening and other things are not happening and in a way somet of the things happening would be better not happening and vice versa.
But so, it's not like I have a way to magic myself into not-feeling
even though I like a song titled Queen Bitch. It's not about me of course.
Borrowing a guitar and a recordingdevice so that I'll start getting some tunes done.
What else has been on your mind lately?
On mine: not much and everything.
In good ways.

Everywhere you are
Is everywhere you've been
Just lost to the beat
Punching thru your skin
You don't know what to do
But still you wanna crawl
All thru the broken glass
That's eveywhere you are

[The Smashing Pumpkins The Imploding Voice]

And yeah, I won't forget to mention this
Devendra Banhart
saved my day today
not that my day was in danger, but still.

And Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band,
ah! is all I really need to say.

A deep voice is rising

step into your own light

The bassist of the Estonian band Pedigree was very inspiring in his relaxed and powerful playing.
Wow, that sounds like from a cookbook or something. Or something.
But well he was and he bounced and almost pranced and I found it very inspiring and all I wanted to do, almost hey I was there for the gig, was to get home and start doing tunes on my own dear bass.
dälek was good
pedigree was good

I'm using the word
GOOD
in it's utter sense and meaning, like in they did me good
none could've better.


My words are stairs
I put my feet on
and I climb through
a starless night
to my place
[GOJIRA: From Mars]

To the ones who know

For the ones who know
From the ones who know

If you are lookead upon with anger, how are you to react?
If you are looked upon with disappointment, how are you to react?
If you are looked upon with fear, how are you to react?
If you are looked upon with disgust, how are you to react?

If you feel your essence is being questioned, how do you react?
If you feel your self is being denied, how do you react?

What is the world?
Where do you live?
What do you fear?

Do you feel almost again?
Do you feel never again?
Do you feel soon again?
Do you feel surely again?


Today I shall give up something I don't even enjoy. Still it's not going to be enjoyable to give up because I'm already fearing the reaction that might come of it.
Not my own reaction - I don't need to react upon it - but the reaction of others.
But why should I worry?
Why should I mind?
The worst thing that could happen is that they'd turn me on myself. And so what, I don't need to take that from anyone. Not even myself.

Because we love you, we return to rock you S.Y.L.

create; compose; i have found

I have found a bunch of musicians. A few of them nicely gathered and smiling in the music section right here, blogged from hooray radiblogclub.com
Off for another Hooray: I'm to see Silent Hill again today, so a silent hooray for that.
And I think 'hooray' that I have received my TigerArmy record today.

And h o o ray
how beautiful rays Fat Freddy's Drop have

and who will i still see
and what will i still meet
and where will i still come
and why will i still go

Stay brave with won ton and satay
Let you ears search for a tune
Leave it to your eyes to see where you're going
Find out with your soles how it feels
How does it feel
How does it feel
Let them listen who will
Let them see who want
Let them be who are
Stay brave

DNB NBX VIP LOL LOL AFI XYU WWYD MCIS

bum and dum
I happened to pick up just the perfect breakbeat to pick me up today.
Had a marvelous brekkie an hour ago; yea it was after 12. Had a marvelous walk to uni. A bit sweaty. a BIT full of new students who crowd around and L O O K intensly and sincerely at all passers by, just because I guess.

I had a msg from Lilith Rubyruby just now saying the seagulls have left. It must be really autumn then and I felt a small notion of melancholia. But why? I asked since I do love autumn deeply. May be just feelings in and of transit.
WOW It's AUTUMN!
That makes me feel good, too.

I'll read to my exam now, Religions of China and Japan.
For the weekend I'm going to Mala's party, she's throwing a thingie as she'll be off to York. Where I will visit her the 3rd week of october :=)
Monday I'm on a boat to Tallinn, out to sea!! Yeahss!

Hmm the walk here kind of knocked me out... and then it's too wam indoors. Hmm hang in there

Hmm there should mathematically be 10 000 other civlilisations in this galaxy.
Hmm walk walk walk
walkabout

Bob Dylan!

intoxicated by ginger

hee hee
and drunk on jasmine.
hee hee.
hee hee.
Fantasy in my head
and may be, most shirley, I'll see another movie outdoors tonite! Last week it was Moulin Rouge!, a wonderful thing to watch when the sky turned into nightblue and stars twinkled.
Tonight Black Christmas is on. I hear it's stylish.

I'm so hungry again.
Sweet bird's blink is starting to sound like something,
so is when the sun still shines especially now Ash is speaking melancholy things.

I shall go forth to the library and wish for them to take my offered returned books.

Here's a beautiful olde being

it's gettin dark already

and it's only 7.50 pm
Thought about applying for jobs far away again, but might as well give myself a final year to wrap up what I'm doing here. No?
Yes.
Yes.
And Siamese Drummers is making fine music, I like the tunes and that's all I need!
And Luara is writing stories and most importantly finishing ones!

Listened to The Smiths and 4hero today.

AND Gogol Bordello(TWO TUNES) and Blister in the Sun played at dynamo.

And to
honor the rentals I now have written PERSONALITY MALFUNCTION on a sweater.

Lots of LOVELOVELVOEOVOVEvkuwgefjgerkiqhkhfak
and all that
stay Brave

woop woop whooa

wheeheheheheeeeeeeeee

yea
yup
I've been watching so mcuh robot chicken and now i gotta go home. cos.
cos I'm SO HUNGRY.
And okay, you can call me SO.

And I have Eddie waiting for me to fix some of the tunes I've been making.
Sweetbird's blink should be polished
so should Lucifer,
okadilly

mooooooo

There is a light that never goes out

and I guess I know what it is in my case.
The light consisting of music and friendship and realisation and respect and connection and contact.
I'm back home in town and I simply do not know what to do with myself, again. It's been like this all summer and now it continues, just as I remember to think about it.
I put in some new music, the technical one w matt sharp and damon albarn is great entertainment. As was the captain I saw on screen today.
I enjoyed the sea, the ocean, the breeze
I can smell the salt and it feels like I've been out to sea in great ships myself today, I breathe like that somehow. it feels good.

I'm so sorry, please forgive me
Who do I pray to to straighten out this problem?
Straighten out this problem, straighten out my mind.
Straighten out this crooked tongue...
My mind has wandered, from the straight and narrow.
My mind has wandered from the flock you see.
My mind has wandered, the man just said so.
My mind has wandered, I heard it on TV.
And the flock has wandered away from me.
INSANITY by OINGO BOINGO


Stay brave

no rain no rain, no rain

Had an email from Laura today, it made my heart feel squeezed.
You can find Laura in my links, I stumbled over Laura yesterday, by all these coincidences, you know how it is, hopefully.
Laura was very glad that I found Laura so thrilling and ass-kicking. Cos kick my ass Laura did. Not just in one case but in many. And Every Light shines.

And funny funny funny funny that it's Laura that makes what I've been wanting to hear.

And Jeff Buckley's Song To No One I heard today, too. And I'm not saying that my belly didn't feel strange when I realised that the chorus and song is sung for
Laura.

I'm eager to get home to Eddie and start adding up my music, I'll see Eddie this weekend and yes, a mic I'll have to purchase.

Lots of my love comes your way

another five day week

another five days of gregorian time
another workingtime has come to an
end
a halt

Now it's friday we say
finally weekend it's said
Finally, I hear

Well, for me this makes not much difference. I still think about how to get things and sort things and figure things out
and how and why
and I'm in some sort of oblivion
but I'm liking it in a way, feeling like a real thing is happening
The silence before the scream
The darkness before the dream
The smile before the laughter

No one else needs to know this,
but I am on my way.
Most definitely.



YYYYY
YYYY
YYY
YY
Y

and i hear that the radio plays
heavy metal machine
and thank you, I shall be

And reading King Rat by China Miéville I have found understanding of how to continue my musicmaking, indeed also by listening to the awesome singstress of Zubs last nite at Tavastia.
"Hey! Sister!" he shouted when seeing me. And indeed, sister I am.
Brother of cosmos
and sister of universe.

Welcome, my dearest in existence and thank you for being beings.

It is the year of the Red Magnetic Moon:
Shine your own light

C.R.A.Z.Y.

is a very wonderful movie. I just saw it with mam and there were so many laughs and smiles and tears and understanding.
Just everything being fucking messed up and then not really. One of them movies that I've seen and felt leave warmth in my chest, strong light and clarity.
Marvel I do.

I'm almost there

I'm almost there to realise that I have to do some things
some things I might not feel like doing, but
but

I'm almost there
at least I'm here

Have some more cardamom in your hot drink
Have some more cucumber on your sandwich

Have some more faith in everything you're told
Have some belief in what is said to be important

Wake up feeling cold
Wake up shaking
Wake up too tired to be
Wake up
Wake up

Wake up

There are many faces in the world

I can't see them all
and I can't see behind them all
But there are faces
and there's Faces the festival that saved some of something in me. It fuond something in me. Something new along with restating something suspected.

I'll be at a kindergarten for the following two weeks while the summer gets chillier. I love it but it could stay summer for a while longer. Everybody's expectations of autumn might be calling in the darker nights, but I love seeing stars again
and I love the scent in the air.
Soon celebrations are near again as the year turns into colour. The moon is massive and displays many shades of strong reds and yellows.

I have found more music that makes beautiful
And found out I'm a mutant, thank you Shelley Jackson for helping me understand.

how i made my millions

the lyrics to the song by radiohead. I never knew it was radiohead and I never knew the lyrics.
I knew the name and it came up in some memories that made me smile, memories that showed me that indeed, my place is somewhere else.
Somewhere across oceans perhaps.



Stay on
Sit down
Let it fall

What I've now found doesn't really matter because I know where I'm headed.
Right out there
somewhere

and there are other skies,
there are other s...

Lovelovelovelovelovelove,
L