I might be hiding

I might be hiding something I don't know I have.

And I know I'm being a coward in something I should just go ahead and do. I have the envelope ready.

I am ready. I told myself I am and rightaway thought no no No

I'm not ready.

But who cares, what is there in not doing?

And then Demon Days starts.

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turn yourself to the sun.

a day like this

is a day I haven't met in such a long time, I can't recall that I'd in a time that feels like forever would've...
I sit here so relaxed. I know I've met some in my dreams that explained some things for me, so it's not important I can't remeber what, just that I know it happened.
There are the ones who are right there for me to lean on, and I thank them humbly and perhaps with tears of a tired being.
I've cried in my dreams for two nights now. That is, I've dreamt I've cried. Now that is something I've never done before.

So this morning, I woke up earlyearly and heard that the nightingale still sings in our garden. I love the way he plays with his voice. I've never heard nightingales in the morning before last week.
I continued sleeping, a few hours more and then I'd get up and go to a lecture I was very much looking forward to, there was going to be interesting discussions right away. It was important to be on time, though, since it being saturday the doors to uni are locked and there has to be someone to let you in. So you have to be there on time so the lecturer can let you in before we get started.
So. I finally woke up. Sat up with a deep breath and I knew there was something wrong... yes. I looked at the time and I had exactly 15 minutes to get to the lecture. WHAAT, I got up, felt my stomach growl out of hunger and I knew there was no way I was going to make it
But I was ready to give it a go. Moved fast, ate some fruit while picking my stuff together, I could come back in a few hours at lunch to eat and really wake up... and nothing
seemed
to
work.

My bag was right there, still the papers I needed weren't, I was not stressing, still I wasn't making sense of the situation... why was I not on time!?

So,
now I sit here.
Not on the lecture. The sun is clouded over by greyness, still the light flickers through. On and off. There might be rain later, I might want it to rain but it might not.

I sit here, and know that I'm going exactly in that direction I always wanted to find.



And someone i don't know walks in and smiles to me.
I smile back instantly, warm inside.
If the only thing there is today is smiling, then let it be so.

bear the brat

or me, late night monday

or early morning tuesday

Then we went on TV

and played strangeness.

Brilliant.

Forgettes

I hartz you.

there's a new light

since last night's dreaming.










YYYY

nightingales and blackbirds

that sing in our garden...

Their song swirls in and twirls around the music I'm listening to and...

It is so beautiful.

I sit by the window and let the spring wind, warm wind carrying the promise of summer,
bring in sweet scents only the night air knows of.

I'll go out for a walk, to look at the first stars coming out and watch the last peach coloured streaks of sun become bleached as they are blended with the dark colours of night.

have a good night.