Siamese Drummers

Love is for me

2008-09-17T16:28:00.002+03:00

A roaring laughter,

A voice so loud it would

make the whole world deaf

I think it's what love is for me

I think that's what love is for me

and you answer me right away

'I want to laugh with you'

You ask me for a word stronger than love

and I answer you right away

'You'

wild eyes

2008-08-19T00:22:00.005+03:00

I can see all these things when I close my eyes.

When I open up I can see

hearts landing at my feet.

light coming from your hands.

Your fingertips reach

I can see all these things when I close my eyes.

I have received my heart now

I have opened it for all to see

Hands have held mine now

You smile when you bow to me

and I just stand there

Hearts landing at my feet

You smile when you bow to me

and I accept

all I ever was offered in this heart

in this light

in this waking

growing

I can see all these things when I close my eyes

Opened up the light shines.

Later, when I get back home there's a scent of roses everywhere,

♡♡♡

[thank you Kagrra,♡♡♡]

Sunkissed

2008-06-15T10:51:00.002+03:00

even when it rains.

I take the steps and walk along.

Spreading my arms I can do nothing but smile.

That light there.

This light here.

Green leaves tangled,

flowers opened.

Clouds leaving rain,

wind bringing song.

Beyond all is the blue of sky.

Beyond all is the gold of light.

The air calls for flying.

The waves call for diving.

New shores waiting,

roses in the evening.

A new morning arrives embracing the old, the new.

This is what we are.

What we look at...

2008-06-04T23:53:00.005+03:00

Do we see things as if in a different world?

Do we see things as if in another reality?

Where is my reality if I look out and see something that is half a world in another direction?

Am I real here, or wherever I feel I roam?

Is there a reflection of me wherever my thoughts are wandering?

That light there is the sun.

That light there is the same sun that I see here.

That there is the same sun that will rise here after it's climbed up there.

This here.

sometimes when I sleep

2008-05-27T15:40:00.003+03:00

Sometimes I listen to music not only when awake

Sometimes I listen to music when asleep

Sometimes I listen to music when waking up.

Today, after seeing the sun over Tokyo

Today, after seeing the sheer rays of a glowing sun

Today, after looking at the sky both there, and here

I slept again

and listened

and sometimes when I'm sleeping to music,

I am embraced

Warm and loved

I can hear all the smiles that voice has ever been

I can feel all the love that voice has ever spelled

Today I was embraced in my sleep

Are you okay, they ask.

I am now.

Yes.

I can see the night sky over Tokyo, I can see there are lights. There are stars.

Here and there, I am embraced.

noir noir neo Noir

2008-05-18T02:43:00.002+03:00

I can see through that solid blue

I lift my voice to my lips and taste carefully

I open up carefully

Nothing is to crash against the back of my teeth

Nothing is to crash against my closed lips

I can see through that bound black

I move my eyes to all the sights and look carefully

I watch carefully

Nothing is to stay unseen because of closing lids of blinking eyes

Nothing is to remain unseen because of eyes turned away

I can feel through my skin

I can feel

through my skin

noir noir Neo noir

Sayonara is a harsh word, but not when being said together.

again, for whenever

2008-05-16T03:23:00.004+03:00

If it is an evening when the red of roses blushes stronger than before

If it is a night when the rain falls harder than before

If it is a morning when you are greeting the dawn

If it is a day for visiting Houses of Summer

Yawn at the rising sun, the moon is filling up, see it there, a bit to the right, white and pale in the blue sky, as blue as it ever was

For a 'Welcome unto us', I believe that was a thought just shared.

Did it sparkle clearly for you too?

2008-04-24T22:56:00.003+03:00

The scent on the air is a promise well kept

I knew this would happen but I was in doubt

The brakes were hit on too fast

Jammed

burned

and you can smell it too, I know that

Air-conditioning takes us away

sweeps us off our feet

Sitting in our tiny seats

This high up I begin to wonder

Why take another step back down?

Why prepare for what I don’t know?

Why trust only that there is trust,

why trust only to trust?

My head was weighed down,

my throat hurts some

what of all the smoke

All the burning

There’s soot on the window,

maybe ash in the air

There’s smoke in the wind,

I try not to breathe.

My teeth creak of all the dust caught between them

Then there were flames

said voice to my heart

2008-04-23T04:44:00.004+03:00

is it the snowfall?

is it the grey morning?

is it the rain?

is it the sky angled?

is it the world turning under my feet?

Is it the oceans?

Is it the princess that doesn't sleep?

Is it the roses?

Said voice to my heart

is it the frozen night?

is it the loss?

is it the living?

Wrote hand in my heart

It is the light in your fingertips

It is the life in your hands

Held hand for my hand.

swiftly, silently

2008-04-17T01:21:00.003+03:00

as expected

Realization comes along, grabs me by the elbow

I'm pulled away from where I'm going and I try to catch up,

half walking, half running, half laughing, half falling

This is where we're going.

I'm pulled in another way of going

Here is where we're headed

We could braid our hair together

We could align our spines

We could stand taller than each other

We should really get a few steps to lead up to this stage

Let's build the stage to stand on

Let's turn the lights in our direction

Let's build the instrument we want to play

Let's practice the voices we want to hear

Storm strikes in the early morning

The birds now quiet, the earth silent in a breath,

waiting

wait

Wait,

I once beckoned you to wait

I once was unsure of your strength, mistaking what I saw for what was

Let's not wait

Here is where we're going

You won't be up on my wall

I won't wait for another moment

I won't stand tired in my steps

I won't run down, I won't run down that street that craves wrath to burn a fire

Here is where we're going

This is what we are

for today, whenever

2008-04-11T01:35:00.001+03:00

the stairs I walk

2008-04-05T12:55:00.004+03:00

What I fear the most, stares

I keep taking step after step and I see the jesters have arrived

My family is waiting, waiting, watching, waiting

Is that daughter ever to arrive?

A sigh in the rooms flooded with light suggests that there are different times making their way up the courtyard

There are long nails slipping over the keyboard and what I really fear the most are stares

I keep skipping step after step and the jesters arrived I can't but look away,

cheeks red like the mock-cheeks on their white faces

I walk up the stairs, I hang on to the rail

I am up on the roof and the sky is blue with clouds small and white and fearless and cheerful

but this is too high up for me, I have agreed to climb too high up

I lie down, press myself against the gravel

When did I agree, did I agree

There's a sigh in the sunlit beauty of daytime and it is now suggested that agreeing to these heights are not supposed to be taken easily

This is not something to play around with

This is not something to laugh at

I am not the jester

I am not the sister

I am not the man of the house

I am not the man of this house

I am not the maiden, cried

These stairs are not there for my despair

These stairs are not here for my steps

I never

not even once

I didn't think I could turn

The only way is up that way

The only way is against the tide

The only way is those stairs

The jesters have arrived.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9wPK4GytLk&feature=related

the emerald green

2008-03-20T02:09:00.004+02:00

reflected in my eyes does not tell stories.

the grey stripes

of a cat black and white does not tell lies.

the hunger

growling deep down does not keep quiet.

the sleep

crawling up close behind does not ask permission.

the voice

I know is not a fairytale sings silently the words I need

the voice

I know is not a fairytale makes sure to pronounce so I understand

the voice

I know is not a fairytale makes me sing without asking

I sing to you

as you sing to me

I sing for you

as you sing for me

My feet feel like walking

My hands feel like playing

My voice feels like whispering

The voice I know is not a fairytale,

tell me more

universes together

2008-03-06T17:18:00.003+02:00

I look forward to seeing the sun
I look forward to seeing what all I'll become

I look forward to looking in to the sun,
even further
even closer

I look forward to all I'll become
I look forward to seeing what all I've done

I see wings of a butterfly right in front of my eyes
golden lines
and yellow light

I look forward into the sun

I look forward to seeing the sun
shine further through me
I look forward to shining a sun

I look forward to see what all I'll become

I look forward into the sun

If westward is where you are, it's not west, is it

2008-02-26T01:11:00.002+02:00

I’m reading so much about myself, is this really me?

All my associates they all seem to be 2-D

I use other people

I only take them for what I need

Looking at this broken image,

I doubt I’ll ever see

All my wishes be true

since all my associates really all seem to be 2-D

my hands now shaken, coffee bitter and cold

my thoughts now deepen, I should learn and let go

Looking now, looking now

My chart is telling me I’m the trouble all are to face

My charms keep telling you I’m all right, I’m the best

It’s said all I have to do is ask

and all I need will arrive

How can I ask,

when I can’t tell the difference between humility and pride,

selfishness and real light

If I go to the east, I’ll lock myself inside

I look around in consent

I refuse to cry, be this pain or despair

And all this my asking if I’m allowed,

is it just a step towards an ending far from the rest?

Here as I’m told all I understand means nothing for another

I can’t help but think that there must be another

But here as I’m told

I use other people

I only take them for what I need

Looking at this broken image,

I doubt I’ll ever see

All my wishes be true

still all my associates really all seem to be 2-D

created by another mind

the mind out of reach, all I have is what’s left behind

images

so all my associates really all seem to be 2-D

Love story

2008-02-20T00:50:00.006+02:00

I would like to read a love story

I would love a love story

I would love one, I guess

A love story – is that a story about love?

Is that a story about my love?

About the love I have to give and the love I receive unasked.

A real love story, for me it would be about the colour of love

My heart and body, mind and spirit.

In a love story I want to find only myself.

No situations where I must act upon something imposed;

no situations where I must ask or think intensely before I say.

A love story to me is finding myself standing out in the middle of a field,

the wind not caring to see a difference in running through the long strands of grass or my hair.

A love story to me is filling my breath with a wind that brings a salty breeze.

A love story to me is standing on a frozen ground, laughing out at all the stars and the moon and lights I see move on a dark, dark sky.

A love story to me is feeling I shine like a rainbow in sunlight hazy with rain.

A love story to me is feeling the warm bark of trees stood still.

A love story to me is watching the clouds, knowing that there might not be another being right there who is seeing what I am seeing.

A love story to me is feeling.

A love story to me,

is a story of love.

The voices I hear,

2008-02-12T19:06:00.000+02:00

are the voices that surge deep down to rip open my silence

The voices I welcome,
are the voices that push in and pull out all tears that want to stay dry

The voices I listen to,
are the ones that know they are finally saying something,
they hope they are being heard although they know it doesn't matter

As long as I use my voice I know I am doing what I should
If no one hears me there is not much I can do

As long as I say something I know I am doing what I should
Being heard is not the same as being told

For your tears to leave you... are you afraid of being alone?
Do you want everything to cling onto you, for the sake of not being alone?
Are you prepared to keep your voice a secret, in the case of having something you want to say?

Are you afraid of finally being heard?

Looking for a constellation

2008-01-27T20:06:00.000+02:00

As if shouting out in the words of someone else would make the awaited difference.

As if what an other once expressed would be connected directly to me.

As if the presence of understanding makes explanation irrelevant.

Is it only when you speak of mysteries that you feel attracted to being alone?

As if anyone had the right to question what it is that goes on
under those layers of skin and fat, all the way to the bone.

NO ONE asks these questions for the simple reason of finding out

No one asks THESE questions in order to understand

As if the meaning of all that goes on underneath
was to hold no meaning

As if the lines that connect would get lost on the way from one point
to another

As if there was nothing in between.

how many petals can you count to?

2008-01-21T11:20:00.001+02:00

Are they five split in two and does that mean 10?

Does the colour change depending on who it is who tries to reach for them?
Will there be a wind hard enough for me to have to shield my eyes?

Is rain complete with flowers the only rain I can endure?

Are there branches that turn when there's no wind?
Are there hands that reach higher than mine?

Do you want to choose the colour this time?

Let there be

2008-01-11T15:37:00.001+02:00

s o n g

Science of waves

2007-12-19T17:57:00.000+02:00

For a long time I've been in waiting.
And it hasn't been a time I've actively analyzed.
Now I' m aware of so much more than only the details that show in the light.
Surely there have been times when I have forgotten.
Understand, there are times I still remember.
Barely take a step and walk.
Surely there are movements in time that I can hold hands with.

To feel that I am more to waves than the flesh and blood that surrounds me.
To think that we are more to each other than words mouthed can ever say.

To be what we are, close to the sure.
To be what we are.

Waves on the shoreline move back out into the open waters.

Sisters,

2007-12-12T11:32:00.000+02:00

After all,
you are the wind that suggested I have wings.

Y
Little heart is growing up

Cherrychoke

2007-12-03T14:37:00.000+02:00

I sit and stare at the pink sky that opens before me.
Blue streaks and whites of clouds
reminds me of the stars behind
and I come to think about the space stretching
The space beyond everything

The water is silent
The air scent-free
The sky is shameless in it’s tears
but I’m forgiven
every little bit of misunderstanding
from my part.

There are lines of silvery gray
there are rows of black
after-images burning my
sight long after the
light is gone
The wind acts out drama
and I can hear windows
and doors rattling
they want to stay open but
someone would like them better closed.

I get up and hope I have the sparekeys with me
this time.

A wind for new wings

2007-11-23T15:24:00.000+02:00

There's a good wind today,

covered in shivers and droplets of cold rain.

Howl for attention

2007-11-22T15:35:00.000+02:00

Bring to mind that spark that made your darkness eternal

Bring to mind that spark that dried away your sight

Bring to mind that spark so loud you were sure to never hear again

Bring to mind that.

Bring to mind.

Bring to mind the tear inside
Bring to mind the gasp for air
Bring to mind the hands reached out

Bring to mind the path found

Bring to mind

Bring to mind.

I can't cut these teeth for you

2007-11-19T17:57:00.000+02:00

I can't unlock these doors for you.

I can't cross these streets for you.

I can't undo these dreams for you.

I can't cut these keys for you.

I can't uncross these bones for you.

I can't stop these tears for you.

I can't build these walls for you.

I can't see these stars for you.

I can't speak these lines for you.

I can't fill these veins for you.

I can't try these wings for you.

All in all, we shall forget
Promise to forgive-me-not
As the dust rises from the street
As the mist rises from the sea

All in all, we shall forget
I am to take the long way round
As the decision is already made, I watch the ripples tear the lake
As the wind is already blowing, I undo my hair

I know I'm living on borrowed words
The one I call you has changed.

Find me a way

2007-11-12T17:05:00.000+02:00

I am in no haste yet, still it feels I should already be somewhere
else.

I ask for something impossible to betray
There's a simple rail to follow
grab it with both hands, wish to let go

I have asked and so I'm shown
The liquid that is blood comes washing down

If there is a language I can speak to make you understand
please be on your way

Not knowing the feeling that comes next
I bow my head
Not feeling the need to stay
I bow my head
Not knowing what all I fear
I bow my head

I walk the steps that lead to you
please come meet me on the way

This rain

2007-11-09T18:34:00.000+02:00

washing down the streets

I can hear it on the roof
I can see it in the streetlight
I can feel it on my face

This rain washing down
I feel it melt away all that has been waiting to be washed away

This rain that falls

This rain
in the dark
soaks me
soaks all around me

This rain that falls
I have waited for long

Now,
I can tell you
Now

sweets, candy, chocolatehearts

2007-10-31T11:41:00.000+02:00

the sun shines with an awesome strength today

I watched seagulls
crows
fly over the moon
Unaware that from where I was looking it was all like a massive lightshow

Sun lighting up every white feather
Lightblue sky softened with scattered white clouds

Raspberryfilled sweethearts
I've enjoyed them long enough
As the evening comes

the stars will sing
the moon shine down

It's time

It's time

It's that time.

Fly with me

2007-10-23T15:49:00.000+03:00

Today shines with the special kind of dark light of rainy days.
Momentarily it becomes darker, only for the grey to become the strongest light there is.

Butterflies, I thought yesterday when I felt it was getting too grey for me to be able to survive without a cry. And at that thought colours arrived, light offered its guidance and I learned I should not spend my days in awe,
but accept the fact that all the beauties are my sister and brothers,
me equal among them
we one strong
one light
one being
one feeling

I don't have to depend on someone to help me along
as they don't have to depend on me.

It goes without saying,
without asking.
You are here, I am here.

We are.

Thank you, I want to say.

There are others. We are all here.

Uncrossed keys

2007-10-20T18:07:00.000+03:00

I might see the light that shines in through
the thoughts of lack
the grief; the mourn; the greyscaled emotions
that
drag
down.
I might see the light that shines forth from myself,
I might want to squeeze my eyes shut to keep
it from escaping; keep it from leaving me
But is it leaving?
Or is it sharing?
Or is it showing others how things are, how things
could be? I add a questionmark to most things today,
I forgot the keys I needed,

and all the papers are strewn around some floor
I’m not walking on right now.
Steps slow down as they pass me and I want
to look up and tell beings to be gone or go
away, but I have a feeling inside that tells me
they wouldn’t understand anyway.-

Siamesed

2007-10-17T02:44:00.000+03:00

Even more so when I realise I've been looking at the clock oddly.
It's not just past midnight.

It's three in the morning.

Might make me wonder some in the morning.

I have accepted the crystal grid.
Alignment in the web of conscious dreaming.

Surrounded by so many.
This many.
And still it feels like everyone else was nice and cosy and actually went to bed. Now sleeping soundly, with only me to sit here and awake even more with all new streams coming my way.

I hope to use blue glitter tomorrow.

YY
YYY
YY
Y

have you tried?

2007-10-14T19:29:00.000+03:00

Maybe that's why nothing seems to work.

because all you're doing is trying
really
hard

Not remembering
Not doing anything but.

Have you tried?

Maybe that's why nothing seems to work.

because all you're doing is avoiding trying
really
badly.

Do.
TRy.

Be.
All you can be.
All you will be.
All you want to be.

You are a sun.

L

i have been

2007-09-25T16:03:00.000+03:00

i've been,
i mean...
..
...
...
..

I don't mean much. It's warm again outside. I'm painting my lips and i put glitter around my eyes to keep away the darkening evenings.
I keep other things at bay by staying tired and beating on drums with fierce eyes.
I am not tired today, I know this because I have smiled many a time

and I know it has long been time to just step into the flow
I think my feet are recognizing the thought
I think I'm ready to see where others are ready to take me.

I know I'm going to go see three ladies painted black around their eyes.
I know I'll be brave enough to laugh out loud if I question myself too wildly.

SiameseDrummers, continued

dancing for the sun

2007-09-06T20:22:00.000+03:00

dancing for the moon

singing for the world to turn

see that intricate webbing called bones
feel that throbbing called blood
hear
hear
hear

I sit
awake

I breathe and
sit still and breathe
I look
I watch
I see, I think

Would you sing me to sleep tonight?

I could say

2007-09-01T17:57:00.000+03:00

"I'm just here for the ride"

but I know there to be so much more to it all
than just being, than just going along.
At the same time, though, being is so much more than just being.

So I say
I am here to find my own ride
make my own way
take my own time
smile my own smile
and use my own eyes.

Y

Nightwalking

2007-08-28T16:26:00.000+03:00

I've been doing a lot of night-time-walking lately.

All stars, like glitter strewn in the back of a great mind
the moon in orange, yellow, bright red
lightning
the dark
the blue sky, the purple sky
the nightclouds that move away at speed to let the moon take over the sky

the silence
the cold night-air

Being alone.

I love this kind of solitude
when I'm all but alone.

"I am not afraid.
There is no fear in being."

[from Messiahsis, L.A. 2007]

Messiahsis

2007-08-20T21:41:00.000+03:00

Yes, true and untrue
everything is an illusion, and Illusions have a way of liking me
as I have a way of liking them.

It's not more than a while after early evening but I feel ready to go home and sleep a while.
I have much to do tomorrow and wish to get started early. So many books and texts to scan and read and think of.

Messiahsis is getting started and I have no doubt it will be in publishable shape soon.
No doubt whatsoever.

When fallen, caught
When lost, found.

tearstain?

2007-08-17T12:33:00.000+03:00

just blinked past my eyes.

I had dreams last night about speaking taiwanese and a little brother crying, made my heart ache for there was such hurt and loneliness as the tears were running down his face
his voice broken and sighing
as the rest of the family sat around the table and reached out their hands
Oh no, dearest little you, what is it that feels so difficult?

My fingers are stained by blueberries
My body warmed by rooibos

Everything is clear.

Y

greately

2007-08-15T16:45:00.000+03:00

greately

everything turns to face a sun

CCCCCCC

DESTINATION UNKNOWN

2007-08-07T15:39:00.000+03:00

and that's the best part
of this all.

ILLUSIONS
illusions
illusions
Illusions
ILLUSIONS
illusions

I L L U S I O N S

tell me

2007-08-02T16:31:00.000+03:00

what's the world with no soul?
***
*gk
*(c

And suddenly I realise it.
I've met him again.

"

I'll get back to you

2007-07-06T19:15:00.000+03:00

I'm adventuring out to a place where I will live and work for the remaining fabulous weeks of july.

Ahh, it's a bit of a rainy day
and it's abit of a cloudy day

It's a bit of a sad day
and it's a bit of a happy day

NNNNNNNNN

E

I dreamt of this amazing voice

2007-07-05T15:37:00.001+03:00

I had a dream about him hunching at the edge of an empty stage
me standing beneath, speaking of the great inspiration
his use of voice has given me
Speaking of the singing that can make worlds change.

I watched Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou all night before sleeping,
I listen to songs from Little Miss Sunshine now
switch to Electric Dream by Shapeshifter.
OOOOOooooooooh.

YYYY
Shine so bright

Light working

2007-06-29T12:55:00.000+03:00

I didn't know where else to turn anymore
so I am here,
turned to the crystal grid
the network out of time
the connection in-between

and I was answered, cared for
My hand was taken and I felt the air move
the earth breathe

If you can feel your heart I ask for you to seek to keep it
If you seek for a way to touch someone else's heart you'll find out
the only way is to do it

Feel how it is you feel
and know that I am doing the same
all the I's and You's around you as well.

There is one simple dance,
one simple move

Only to listen is not even half the event.

Y

Love is hot truth is molten.
- Donovan

thank you UNKLE

2007-06-28T17:42:00.000+03:00

I hartz you..

FORGETTES as well.

off to play
off
off
off

TRY THE outside for a while.

xoxoxox

YYYYY

I saw this, I was there

2007-06-27T19:12:00.000+03:00

4 am
midnight sundown
midnight moon
chaos in motion

lovelies...

2007-06-19T12:07:00.000+03:00

for one week now I'm going to take a leave
rest my soul

tweak existence

take a tour of the sun
take a tour of the moon

take a tour with the stars.

I bid you a beautiful celebration of Midsummer
and will return with pictures of the midnight sun.

P
YYYYYYYYYY

there's a wind,

2007-06-17T18:10:00.000+03:00

it's been warm.

there's rain,

it's been warm.

there's a song,

it's been warm.

there's a thought,

it's been warm.

In celebration

2007-06-14T16:07:00.000+03:00

Y

I know you feel it too

Y

I know you know it
too
Y

I sit here looking out and it'll start raining any minute now, it's getting darker and darker as the clouds gather and I...love it.
summer rain.
oh
my.
summer breeze.

2007-06-13T14:31:00.000+03:00

This city is sinking into the river or is it just disappearing, I know our relationship works only when I don't let anything get to me: when I am numb enough or straightly aimed at the fact that it doesn't work, strong enough in myself.
When I am strong.

That was over four months ago.
Today I walked down that street like it was the only street I've ever known,
like it was the only walk I've ever been on,
like all I've ever done was walk
down
that street.
That street.
So empty of others I thought well maybe if I can walk all open and brave then everyone else will too.
So empty. I felt happy there, there on my feet. Sun shining from so far above it makes me laugh when I think how big it is, that little lightbulb.
Empty street, smiling one with flowers in my hair... Smiling at the fact that there's so much.

All this to come to hear how someone has been blue and played their piano, guitar and voice
and felt so sad and melancholy.
All this to come here and realise there are so many who have realised the dance of life.

Do a firedance, flames reaching for the skies.
We're reeling around the sun.

whoa

2007-06-12T17:55:00.000+03:00

what!
lists!
people!
make!
of!
the!
wishes!
they!
have!

YYYYYYYYY
YY

like a moth drawn

2007-06-11T15:41:00.000+03:00

to that CREEPY GREEN LIGHT

like a chest opened up

like a heart that races

Take my hand and feel the pulse shared.

123

2007-06-01T22:54:00.000+03:00

MAYDAY

2007-05-31T14:39:00.000+03:00

last mayday.

again.

so by sunday i should've taken control and know
exactly
how
everything
works.

maybe i don't want to.
maybe i don't feel like it.

maybe i won't.

i shouldn't be losing myself right now. i thought i was right here.

turns out no one else did.

I sat down in front of the organ

2007-05-30T17:00:00.001+03:00

pushed my fingers down
and shouted out
Hey! This is Severance!

and that much was true. My fingers had found right.
I let my fingers run gently up and down the keyboards, let a soft tone trace the lyrics.

I think we might be afraid to fly, maybe only just a little bit though.
Once you're certain there's wind under your wings there's no reason not to let go.
Once you're certain you have wings you might have to try them right away.

There's a good wind today,
a warm breeze.

Soar.

What is it you are to be?

2007-05-29T00:17:00.000+03:00

What are you becoming
what light are you shining

what sun are you turning
around?

It's a jungle out there
Tropics with heavy scents of darkly coloured blossoms

Dark sky of sun gone down, moon come out and stars too bright for the summersky.

makebelief

2007-05-27T08:25:00.000+03:00

and sweet,
sweet,
sweet early morning.

A green world filled with so much rain.
Empty streets, soft sounds of drowsy birds
A promise for sunshine later, clouds shifting
showing a colour of light gold somewhere far beyond
A blue sky, soft in colour and gentle in breeze

Paper moon, or not
I know this to be true.

ROWEENA!

2007-05-26T00:39:00.000+03:00

!
!

!

what are you looking at, it's not my bubbles!

Wonderful summernight. beautiful.
sleep well
YY

at last...

2007-05-25T16:22:00.000+03:00

...
..............they are, you know.

And today, today it's Towel Day.

...you smile...

and so do I.

It's good to have you as a fellow journeyer, you know.

xxXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxx

there's a lonely piano playing

2007-05-24T15:32:00.000+03:00

deep notes
chords stuck
If these were high pillared halls I know what the sound would be like
If there were stoneslates covering the windows I know what the light would be like

There's a breath and I turn around
There's no one there but the ones I've been expecting
and I know what it would feel like.

There are no doors to be opened and I know, I'm sure, that there never will be
I know I'm wrong when I say I'm right
I know I'm going when I say I'll stay
I know I'm looking at a reflection.

Shards, cords, slashed entries and deleted files.

ooh!

2007-05-23T17:21:00.000+03:00

YYYYYYYY
YYYYY
YYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYY
YYY
YYYYYYYYY
YYY
YY
YYYYY
YYY
Y
Y

YYYYYY

Y
Y

I might be hiding

2007-05-22T15:10:00.000+03:00

I might be hiding something I don't know I have.

And I know I'm being a coward in something I should just go ahead and do. I have the envelope ready.

I am ready. I told myself I am and rightaway thought no no No

I'm not ready.

But who cares, what is there in not doing?

And then Demon Days starts.

turn yourself to the sun.

a day like this

2007-05-19T10:59:00.000+03:00

is a day I haven't met in such a long time, I can't recall that I'd in a time that feels like forever would've...
I sit here so relaxed. I know I've met some in my dreams that explained some things for me, so it's not important I can't remeber what, just that I know it happened.
There are the ones who are right there for me to lean on, and I thank them humbly and perhaps with tears of a tired being.
I've cried in my dreams for two nights now. That is, I've dreamt I've cried. Now that is something I've never done before.

So this morning, I woke up earlyearly and heard that the nightingale still sings in our garden. I love the way he plays with his voice. I've never heard nightingales in the morning before last week.
I continued sleeping, a few hours more and then I'd get up and go to a lecture I was very much looking forward to, there was going to be interesting discussions right away. It was important to be on time, though, since it being saturday the doors to uni are locked and there has to be someone to let you in. So you have to be there on time so the lecturer can let you in before we get started.
So. I finally woke up. Sat up with a deep breath and I knew there was something wrong... yes. I looked at the time and I had exactly 15 minutes to get to the lecture. WHAAT, I got up, felt my stomach growl out of hunger and I knew there was no way I was going to make it
But I was ready to give it a go. Moved fast, ate some fruit while picking my stuff together, I could come back in a few hours at lunch to eat and really wake up... and nothing
seemed
to
work.

My bag was right there, still the papers I needed weren't, I was not stressing, still I wasn't making sense of the situation... why was I not on time!?

So,
now I sit here.
Not on the lecture. The sun is clouded over by greyness, still the light flickers through. On and off. There might be rain later, I might want it to rain but it might not.

I sit here, and know that I'm going exactly in that direction I always wanted to find.

And someone i don't know walks in and smiles to me.
I smile back instantly, warm inside.
If the only thing there is today is smiling, then let it be so.

2007-05-18T15:21:00.001+03:00

bear the brat

or me, late night monday

or early morning tuesday

Then we went on TV

and played strangeness.

Brilliant.

Forgettes

I hartz you.

there's a new light

2007-05-17T21:00:00.000+03:00

since last night's dreaming.

YYYY

nightingales and blackbirds

2007-05-15T23:03:00.000+03:00

that sing in our garden...

Their song swirls in and twirls around the music I'm listening to and...

It is so beautiful.

I sit by the window and let the spring wind, warm wind carrying the promise of summer,
bring in sweet scents only the night air knows of.

I'll go out for a walk, to look at the first stars coming out and watch the last peach coloured streaks of sun become bleached as they are blended with the dark colours of night.

have a good night.

2007-05-13T19:08:00.000+03:00

Thank you dear family.

repetition

2007-05-10T14:41:00.000+03:00

Just try, try and realise that there's not much to try

Just be, be and realise that you are.

woosh

2007-05-08T17:33:00.000+03:00

woosh

it's so clear out there today. and I've been sitting outside, enjoying the strangeness of beauty. and the beauty of strangeness.
my sister told me there's a mystery at home so I'm going to go now and see for myself. maybe i'll be here to write about in another while.

stay brave.

warmer, warmer, warmer

2007-05-07T16:10:00.000+03:00

it's getting closer, closer, closer.
I have plenty of things to keep me busy, but am I really busy? Am I really doing too many things at once, or am i just very happy to have all of this to do..
I think so.
Might be exactly like that.
Someone asked what May was all about, and so many seem to agree it's listening to birds sing, learning something new and sowing seeds. There are sunflowers, new beginnings and blue skies. Look up, just look and you'll see.

mystyk spiral

2007-05-04T19:13:00.000+03:00

mystik, if you will.
There's plenty going on. For example it being evening and the sun still being high up. Then, it's may and friday and I've been visualizing more of my songs, rendering to them and rendering them to sounds and beats. Many many layers of wonders in this world.

YY

Blue Hand day

2007-04-30T15:25:00.000+03:00

and waves, of course we are like waves.
I am
and you are.

beautiful.
xxxXXXXXXxxx

all right!

2007-04-25T23:55:00.000+03:00

yeah, very much so.
and the rain brought the spring. and it's dark and in the middle of the night and i'm enjoying being the only one outside
the only one breathing clear, misty night
stars in the sky and a moon somewhere, lending its light.

YY
Y

precipitevolissimevolmente

2007-04-24T17:50:00.000+03:00

and what yet not.

I'm just wondering, what makes you do what it is you do
and have we ever known anyone, or what we should know about anyone
or what should you know about someone to be able to help?
What does it mean to help, what if I feel there's something I could do to ease someone's existence and
that's it...
I feel I could do something, and that's that. That's what.

And what more.

Be electric. or whatever, whatever you want.
It's not like I have a say.

honestly, intelligence

2007-04-19T15:27:00.000+03:00

harmony and

It's like I'm uncertan if the lights are on or off in the room - I know I should be able to tell, but I can't.
It's like there's snow and rain pouring and falling and tumbling down from the skies although there are no clouds and the sun shines hot.
It's like someone's talking to me in a language I don't understand and still my body wants to respond and tries to produce words I know I can't know.
It's like being pulled out to sea, not really sure of if this is what should be happening, quite sure that I was lying in bed and not in any waters at all.

Resistance might be claimed as useless, existance doesn't fall under the same category

Squeeze yourself together til you're the smallest you can be, count a few moments of thought
and expand
expand
stretch your arms like you never did before, see to that your shoulderblades feel like wings
lift your feet off the ground and embrace the fact that you are.
Only fact there is, so shine that light

move that physical existence that contains you

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
öL

or actually

2007-04-18T13:47:00.001+03:00

what is there to know?

one more

2007-04-17T18:31:00.000+03:00

I've met more.

I know there are more.

You know it, too.

There's the new light, the new day
the new wind
the new way to look at things
New and new and new
others and others and others
more and more and more

Stay in tune with that song you know is there.

2007-04-16T14:54:00.000+03:00

There are worse things

2007-04-16T14:27:00.000+03:00

There are worse things than being late in this world.
Just talked to the sweetest girl, who always says she's running late and who always seems to get a lot of crap from her friends and the world around for being late.
I smiled in understanding, I know I've been there... trying to push myself into biking down the street faster than the ticking clock
in order not to arrive late for a nice gathering. Nice gathering being also pressure into arrival at 5 sharp, if 5ish has been the plan.
Then I realised enough to tell myself that
if I sat a bit longer at my kitchen table than I was supposed to; if I sat staring out or felt like listening to another song; was still talking to a friend; was still writing a letter or reading a post; if I walked by someone in the street that greeted me and we exchanged some words, even just a few seconds more than a smile

why would I have to apologize for arriving twenty minutes past
if the ones I am meeting know that we'll meet; know that there are people and lives; know that there is no death from having to wait - or is it even waiting? What kind of existence is it if someone's late only in your own opinion?
That's when I told myself that I refuse to take on the guilt that is put on me by using the word late.

Being late is no excuse. Not leaving on time is no excuse. Not going on purpose is not changing anything, and if there's someone waiting for you, turning sour over you not being there on time... is it because they want you so badly
is it because they can't wait to see you
is it because they're realising there are things they still can't control?
is it because you're letting them know that there can be change?

I don't arrive forty minutes off agreed time for meetings that take away time from others, that's not what I'm saying.
I just don't agree that there's a right for some people to try to keep someone else under control, by any sort of guilt trip.

Stay brave and give yourself the time you need, what else do you think your life is about?

it's a blue evening outside

2007-04-11T20:38:00.000+03:00

I
see my own reflection in the window, all lit up by the yellow of the indoors.
the sky is dark blue, the stars have white gold and it seems the air itself is
blue.
Wonderful, it's spring and I don't even know how we got here.

Thank you for shining.

musical version of me

2007-04-10T23:08:00.000+03:00

http://www.virb.com/siamesedrummers

YYY

2007-03-26T15:48:00.000+03:00

I decide to face the world on my hands.
I decide to enter the world coming from up high.

gggggxxxYYYxxxgggggg

Movement

2007-03-19T15:28:00.000+02:00

Timmy Tim.

Change.

Coiled up and ready to

ready

Let's go and find treasure.

play me

2007-03-17T14:27:00.000+02:00

Played, continuously, and then what?
What next?
Who next?
What about me next?
What about taking myself into consideration
what about caring about myself
what about
play me
no longer.
Or if it is my fate forever, then why not
play me

xxxxXXXxxxx
x

awakening to dälek

2007-03-08T14:48:00.000+02:00

awakening with dälek

Ever back in the world
Ever back in the track of path that keeps calling,
I thought I could fail in seeing
I realise now, like I've always still known
Stay brave more than my saying
Stay brave more than a saying, more
Start of something new
Start of something new 2

Ever awake
Ever aware
Ever here
I am

YYYY
YYYYYYYYYY
ever somber

beat the brat

2007-02-21T15:02:00.000+02:00

ask a question
Make a request
Ask for what you wish
Wish for what it is you want

I ask for what I want now, I do.

Push is a move was sent on it's journey over waters on monday, it's wednesday today.

I ask for what I want, now.

goodness badness

2007-02-14T17:56:00.000+02:00

sweetness
hype
light
sugar!!!

wooh.
Yeah.
Shine so bright.

Keep up with what you're doing, because Push is a move.
Indeed it is and indeed is a word I like because, indeed
It somehow crystallises realisation; illumination; understanding
YYYYYY
I've decided to go all wild tonight
First I will hope to record
Cut
and
one more at least,
will know tomorrow for sure
and maybe I'll have to commit an act so many might take for cruel. Soon. I don't know yet and as a matter of fact, I don't care yet.
I'm going to be around and I'm going to shine my light
and indeed,
i am me.

fantascienza

2007-02-06T17:20:00.000+02:00

eep
meep

Read a Lucifer-album I hadn't yet. I love stories like that, and stories that are not like that at all.

Now I'm gonna go get lost somewhere.

XXYYYYXXXX

sleep

2007-02-02T15:35:00.000+02:00

and interest in others.
reflection
and wish for understanding.
song
and belief in similarity.
silence
and feeling of being alone
feeling of leaving behind.
I asked for nothing
I owe you nothing,
I owe you nothing after all.

Y

Tomorrow enters a month

2007-01-31T20:36:00.000+02:00

A month that seems so much different than the others
cos it's 28 days
it's probably full of more snow and cold than this winter has seen
A month when Siamese Drummers is going for the music more than ever because, indeed, I've been recording some tunes and harmonies for a few months but now,
now
I'll be recording to actually make a complete collection.
Or how should I put it!?

Thank you all others I'm connected to
YYYYYYYY

Sweet!

2007-01-30T19:15:00.000+02:00

sweet
SWEET!!
There is still time to join the rpm challenge!

SiameseDrummers, yours truly, has signed up with RPMchallenge
that is; to complete a record within the month of february.
A beautiful though and finally a push into action, such a positive push
and feeling I get out of checking out all the other musicians involved.
awesome.
My language wants to consist of a lot of !!!!!s today.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Sweetness, sweetness
have it good and stay brave

You can see my hand

2007-01-29T13:26:00.000+02:00

reflected.

There's snow, so much snow that from up above I swear it looks like this; although this whiteness is clouds, of course. The sun shines this brightly today; the sky is a deep light blue it's cold but not that cold, not too cold.

You can see me reflected, you can see my hand right there

I've removed myself from the fancy minds today, have changed my attitude and you can come up to me; you can come talk to me

You can.

Just try, try and realise that there's not much to try

Just be, be and realise that you are.

I,

2007-01-26T17:48:00.000+02:00

I don't know if I'm happy with this.
I don't know if I'm happy about this, I mean.

There's so much snow that the outside world has been snowed in, and that's something you never knew you'd witness is it!?
But the snow doesn't bother me
Nothing bothers me but this change,
this change that might go unnoticed
might go indeed.
Don't know know about SiameseDrummers.

but.

I shall.

GET GOING!

snow

2007-01-24T17:56:00.000+02:00

There has been snowfall all day
Ever since it got light enough and I was lying in bed with our newly-arrived cat purring away at my feet, looking at the snow with me
til now when it's dark again and the world is blue
There's snow up to my knees
and a blue light
There's a world right here and I know I'm walking on it, stepping around
stepping on with everyone else
The same as everyone else.
I have soared high and I try my wings today again.
Blue light at my hands, sparkle from a new ring
Reflection of indigo hair
Opening of eyes, green surrounded by blue
Fly with me

There's a world ,
Outside my doorstep
Flames over, everyone's heart
Don't you see them shining,
I want to hear them
Beating for me

I think I hear them

Waves crashing me by,
Crashing me by,
Crashing me by
Blue Light Mazzy Star

awake

2007-01-23T13:20:00.000+02:00

AWAKE

awake

awake

wake up

WAKE

UP

I saw Sun rising

2007-01-19T13:16:00.000+02:00

What a mighty sun indeed
On the wings of steel, above the clouds of air
I saw the sun rise from down here
The side of the earth looked like turning
I felt a song begin its singing
I felt a wave breathing
The ocean breathing
The sea turning
I saw the sun rise this morning
This day
This day has seen a sun strong
Blued skies and illuminated clouds

I can hear breathing.

DO THE WHIRLWIND

2007-01-18T19:29:00.000+02:00

and carry the hope
that stings all night long
Don't abandon him
'cause he quivers when he hears your song
DO THE WHIRLWIND ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI
Stranger dangerDanger stranger
When you gonna follow through
The mistake you don't make
Or the rain cloud covers above your house
Steal the feelings
Don't focus on the flame girl
Have I failed to impress you?
Could've sworn that wine
And one and four made two,
But it's five!
It's five!
Can i ride with you
Until the sunset gets all red
And we'll be chased by the moon
Hope the passion don't fade
Since you decided he's your spouse.
Wheeling, dealing, joking things will change girl
Have I failed to impress you
Could've sworn that wine
And one and four made two
But it's fiveIt is five
it'5! ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI
I'm in heaven when you smile I'm in heaven when you smile I'm in heaven when you smile
Smiling THE BETA BAND
Can you chase me till you my feet touch the ground
And go dancing
Wishbone ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI
There's no way that I'll sleep when you're near meThere's no way that I'll sleep when you're near meThere's no way that I'll sleep when you're near me
There's no way that I'll sleep when you're near me
Maybe you can owe me ARCHITECTURE IN HELSINKI

My love is a sweet heart’s blink
I’ve learned well see he’s been in the corner three times already

My love is adorned
My love is adorned
He is marigold

My love is long
reaches all the way to where he roams
My love ain’t strong
but couldn’t break its bones

my love my love my love
Sweet bird's blink SiameseDrummers

Indeed.

Champagne fiction

2007-01-17T11:27:00.000+02:00

I've never been to NewYork, but today's weather made me think of that city, just because I what? once saw this musicprogram with interviews made in the wintery NY, and somehow today w blue sky, pale sun and grayish chill, nice graysih like all soft, made me think of NY and made me all wow, I live in the big world.
Since, I have learned that there are no more tickets for Tiger Army, and I just felt like going home and sleeping through the day, not caring about the brilliant illuminating wonderful sunshine or good mood it brings today. I feel like I want to crawl out of my body and I don't like it at all, nothing seems to fit good today and I don't like it at all.
I'm supposed to heave out page after page of coherent thought about all sorts of things, I'd rather just take a walk long the river towards the sea and take in the sunshine until it goes down, then stroll back homerward and meet up with the people I live with to go see if an old cat would like to come live in our House.

My youngest brother turns 18 today, all grown up!!
There's more Totoro in store for him; it's all about being allowed to believe in yourself YY

So yeah, I'm all right now, backtacking the feelings a few lines up.
Funny enough that D'espairs Ray are in my hearing
A
L
L
the time
They really are and have been for soon two weeks. Constant play. I don't lyrically understand more than the few lines that are in english, but they just have me, right there right like that.
Violent Femmes, Saosin, Gojira and Faith No More are doing things too, again and much lately.
But D'espairs Ray...
LIQUIDIZE!

stay brave and shine your light
Shine your own light
YY

And Champagne fiction? Gots all to do w last w/e when I was talked to and spoken by and looked over and upon and
W H A T
crazyness.
hah!!
ha!

pop up book

2007-01-11T19:00:00.000+02:00

pop up popup
popopopopopopopup
Got myself a pop up book today.
Thought about making one.

Right now I've been compiling SIAMESE DRUMMERS.
Texts have found me and eachother and we melt and mold and smile. Number nine at the bottom of the last page.
People are excited about transformation
excited about change
Scared and afraid if they only thought about it
It's free is it?
It's automatic upgrade isn't it?
It'll just leave me sleeping won't it?
I'm allright
I'm all right
Allright.
XD

Hello little sparkle
hello little fire of will
Hello little starseeker
let's see how much there is to spill

I've never seen a highway
Never had one be lost to me
We're about as close as a cat gone wild

Hello little flower, little colour of marigold
When did you grow so tall
When did you turn me to the sun so strongly
When did you turn to my side so smilingly

Hello little child who's all grown up
hello my dear so clear in your mind
hello my sweetest so cleared up in my mind
White dull light

Hello little sparkle